Say what you mean and mean what you say. Our word means nothing without action. Action and consistency builds trust. Consistency is maintained with discipline and trust is sustained with self-control.
It would do us well to remember the importance of being ambassadors of The Gospel of Christ for our example [as we follow Yeshua] can change the perception of what is helpful according to the world versus what is beneficial according to The Holy Scriptures.
Someone recently presented the following question:
Q.
What does it mean when a guy says he doesn’t want to hurt me but he has strong feelings for me?
A.
What he means is exactly what he has said.
Having strong feelings for someone does not constitute as a consolation for bad behavior.
What he may be concerned with is his lack of self-control or weakness within a certain area that may be a deal-breaker for you. If he knows that he has weaknesses or bad behaviors that need attention to be rectified because it can cause harm to someone, it would do him well to concentrate on fixing the root issues that are causing him to act out in a manner that will ultimately end up hurting someone in causing a relationship for example, to dissolve.
He is making you aware that he knows and acknowledges that he has repetitive traits or behaviors that have in the past affected relationships or friendships. Although he acknowledges that he has feelings for you…strong feelings, he is aware that because he it’s not in a place to have self-control it will at some point affect you in a negative way.
If this is an issue of cheating for example…which is a common issue that can rise in relationships for people that do not hold themselves to a certain standard and don’t value or have any regard for the one they are in a relationship with; they usually will have an issue of understanding what love and respect actually looks like.
I don’t want to assume but it seems that it may be causing his apprehension and has caused him to express to you that although he has strong feelings he doesn’t want to hurt you.
You cannot have a loving, long-lasting relationship without love and respect. In order to maintain this you must first understand trust and the factors that build a good foundation. I always speak from a Biblical perspective because God’s Holy Standard makes it simple for people to decipher between what is acceptable and what is not. The Lord’s Standard makes it easy to sift through complicated issues and draws a fine line in gray areas for us to see what is acceptable from our loved ones and what needs work.
I would suggest that you have a conversation with him…a very straightforward one, in which he can express to you what his areas of weakness are and what he plans to do to combat the issues that are ongoing for him. The root issue may have nothing to do with you or his past partners at all. It may be a deep-rooted internal issue that needs attention because it is surfacing or manifesting in relationships with others in a negative way.
This is a dangerous perpetual cycle because causing emotional harm can lead to a domino effect that not only affects one but can ultimately affect many others if they go on and attempt to have loving relationships but have what is called “soul ties” which are unresolved emotional bonds.
Before any talk of pursuing a relationship it would do both of you well to have a deep conversation as I’ve mentioned and really get clarification as to where you both are, what you’re both looking for, and what you’re willing to compromise on as well as what are absolute deal-breakers.
It’s not as if there is no hope but he surely needs time to grow and time to be alone to work on his internal issues before he can give himself to anyone…in this case you in a real way.
If you both are patient and are serious about one another and take the time to experience life and learn about who you are as people, you can have a chance at enjoying a relationship with a good foundation and embrace the reward of truly loving one another.
You will know fairly quickly how serious he is about you because time always tells the tale. If he truly has strong feelings for you that can one day develop into love, he will be willing to endure the tough things, compromise, understand, and communicate. These are just some of the steps or traits that one will exude while being patient to allow something real to develop.
Don’t be so quick to rush into something that can break your heart. Love and value yourself enough to be patient, to have a standard [God’s Holy Standard ], to present that standard to him, and give him the time and space to see if he can live up to that standard and of course vice versa.
All the best.
As believers, we can make a difference, whether by acts of kindness, partaking in conversation, or simply answering a question, these events are opportunities to show what the mind of Christ looks like. Thereby, applying Biblical principles to circumstances we face in our everyday lives and daily living.
Ephesians 6:12 NKJV
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Colossians 3:9-11 NKJV
Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, 10 and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, 11 where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.
Proverbs 10:18 NKJV
Whoever hides hatred has lying lips,
And whoever spreads slander is a fool.
Be holy for He Is Holy.
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