Childhood is a delicate time period…where memories begin and nurturing wraps itself around the foundation of the molding of who a person becomes. Guidance, direction, wisdom, love, and knowledge shift the trajectory of a child’s life. As parents, we want the best for our children and never want to see them in a position that may be harmful. Part of protecting them is telling them the truth and that Truth is in Yeshua HaMashiach, Who Is The Word of God.
Someone recently presented the following question:
Q.
My 12-year old daughter wants to always sleep in the bed with her father. She wears his shirts and gets mad when anyone else including me has his attention. She calls him while he’s at work and texts him all the time. I know she loves her dad and is very close to him but is this normal behavior?
A.
No…this is concerning.
Your 12-year old daughter sleeping [and wanting to sleep] in the same bed with her father is inappropriate…even toddlers have to learn to sleep in their own bed. So, the fact that she wants to do it at all & one or both of you as parents are ok with it is abnormal and does not set proper boundaries.
Having boundaries even in healthy relationships is a good thing because you can’t have self-control if you don’t learn what boundaries are and respect them. Some people may think it’s cute but it won’t be as she gets older. If you are relying on her to outgrow this routine, yes, in all fairness we have to leave room for that notion.
However, the root of this outward expression of the need for attention and comfort in this manner has to be addressed, as it can carry over to friendships, other relationships, and areas in her life as she gets older.
For example, if a child exhibits bad language or behavior at a young age, some may think it’s adorable and not a big deal. However, when that child becomes a teenager or an adult still exhibiting the same negative traits it’s a major uncontrollable problem.
True Love is telling your daughter the truth and establishing boundaries. Teaching her what healthy family relationships look like is important so that she can effectively have normal interactions and exhibit normal behavior & traits. Believers in Christ understand that every facet of our lives is built upon The Holy Scriptures, God’s Law/Instruction…it is The Holy Standard by which we live.
Your daughter has an unhealthy obsessive behavioral problem and it seems that this didn’t start overnight but is a part of the culture and framework of the dynamics in your household that has long been overlooked from the toddler years when it was cute, to this time where it continues to be accepted.
Her behavior is partly reflective of the conditioning and condoning of this progressive form of interacting with her dad. She can love her dad but it shouldn’t look like the type of love one has with a romantic partner in an unhealthy obsessive way.
Both of you as parents should speak with your daughter and explain that there are other ways of interacting with loved ones that are loving and beneficial. Try to introduce special days/times where each of you can give her the time and attention while also involving activities that spark her interest. You know your daughter best and I’m sure the three of you/your family can think of fantastic ways to incorporate family time while teaching and showing her normalcy while expressing love.
We don’t have the same types of relationships romantically that we do with our family…that should have been and absolutely needs to be established.
God chastens who He loves. The Lord is so Good that His rod and staff are support and comfort to us.
You and her father can use this opportunity of correction to show her The Love of Yeshua through that same support and comfort.
All the best.
As believers, we can make a difference, whether by acts of kindness, partaking in conversation, or simply answering a question, these events are opportunities to show what the mind of Christ looks like. Thereby, applying Biblical principles to circumstances we face in our everyday lives and daily living.
Hebrews 12:11 NKJV
Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Isaiah 49:15-16 NKJV
“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
16 See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.
Truth in Love.
Be holy for He Is Holy.
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