Q&A Forum | Co-Parenting Imbalances That Cause Marital Conflicts

One of the many traits of a believer is having the ability to be a wealth of knowledge. Having the ability to be resourceful and a good listener; a strong, loyal, and reliable support to those who seek direction, guidance, and clarity. We don’t boost on our own accord but indeed, joyfully proclaim the Glory of The One Who Was, Who Is, and Who Is to come again. For it is the Authority of The Most Holy One of Israel that teaches us through His Holy Spirit, His Wisdom, that we can share His Good News, Holy Standard, and Revelation with others.

We take not for granted the trust that others have in sharing sensitive topics and questions with us. For in this, we have an opportunity to gain insight and navigate that person through the cloudy mist of uncertainty.

May the wisdom, care, and compassion, be revealed through The Love of Christ in us as salt & light in the world, as we each in our own journey lend an ear, to hear, observe, assess, and speak from the Biblical foundational cornerstone of Christ, established in our hearts that we may give a valuable Biblical perspective to shine a light in a world full of darkness.

Someone recently presented the following question:

Q.

Is it okay to accept any type of help from my ex (my child’s father) when I get into a big argument with my new husband?

A.

Any type of help? What does that mean exactly?

If it’s the type of help that causes issues in your marriage then you need to evaluate the reason and rationale behind the feelings, actions, and intentions of all parties involved.

If the line of respect is being violated then order absolutely needs to be established.

See, you have to understand that your child’s father and your husband are NOT on the same level or even in the same league in your life. You are unified with your husband in marriage you have a life with him, you must take his feelings into account.

You’re getting into severe arguments with your hubby because there is no balance, there is no respect, and there is no order or understanding of what the co-parent kinship should look like in a mature and respectful state.

Don’t allow your marriage to be destroyed over a blurred line of co-parenting with a man you had a failed relationship with in the past. Your husband and your blended family are your present and hopefully your future.

I’m gathering that this “any type of help” is treading on a fine line of violation with your spouse. If your husband truly loves you and your child(ren) he will want the best for you all and will not stand in the way of reasonable and fair co-parenting and what is beneficial for the children because after all they are someone else’s kids but should willing love them as his own as a stepdad.

HOWEVER, at the same time, if you truly love your husband you WILL NOT allow him to be disrespected and you will make sure everyone will know his authority and position in your life. The same holds true for wives and their position/authority.

Stop treating your husband like he’s a third wheel to whatever it is that you and your child’s father are doing/saying in your arrangements or interactions/conversations or you’ll eventually find yourself without a husband.

Just know that men …real men not little boys..I said real men don’t like nor appreciate and certainly don’t respect people who make them out to be fooled and devalue their prominent position…especially their wives who they uphold. After all, he loved and valued you enough as a woman to make you a part of his life by marrying you and I’m going to assume you felt the same for you accepted his proposal and married him too.

Talk with your husband and both of you in a peaceful mature manner. Despite your frustration with the situation show him that you have a willingness to understand his point of view and you are going to be mindful and tenacious about setting appropriate and reasonable boundaries. I hope he will also be fair, and understanding, and not punish or continue to punish you emotionally through having an argumentative nature. If he begins to argue while you come in peace, walk away every time until he realizes adults have to make compromises, and establishing order in a blended family structure can be hard but doesn’t have to continue to be a negative experience…it can be a positive one, especially if all parties involved are willing to work together cohesively and respect boundaries. The children can benefit the most from this but they need a healthy family environment to do that.

Talk with your child’s father about proper co-parenting (financially and parenting time)…establish boundaries and make sure all of you are on the same page as to what is acceptable and what is not.

When your husband sees and feels that his voice is being heard and his feelings are taken into account, as well as your own then you will have fewer arguments and have more time to enjoy a loving & healthy marriage.

Don’t let anyone or anything disrupt or disturb the peace in your home or the integrity of your marriage. Your family/family structure comes first PROTECT IT.

All the best.

As believers, we can make a difference, whether by acts of kindness, partaking in conversation, or simply answering a question, these events are opportunities to show what the mind of Christ looks like. Thereby, applying Biblical principles to circumstances we face in our everyday lives and daily living.

31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. 32 And they spake unto him the word of the Lord, and to all that were in his house. 33 And he took them the same hour of the night, and washed their stripes; and was baptized, he and all his, straightway. 34 And when he had brought them into his house, he set meat before them, and rejoiced, believing in God with all his house.

Acts 16:31-34

May Yeshua lead us in all things.

Shabbat Shalom.

Be holy for He Is Holy.

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